Currently I have a baby restlessly napping for a few minutes, a toddler avoiding her nap altogether, and one cranky 4 year old that did manage to finally fall asleep. Like most days in this situation, I'm avoiding noise of any kind less my day be ruined all together with 3 horribly overtired munchkins.
This is my space. This is where I will document my daily adventures mostly to the great unknown since I'm too reclusive lately to have real friends to talk to. In honesty, it'll be nice to type out my thoughts to those that want or care to read, rather than judge who might be up for it face to face as I've seemed to have trouble with that lately.
The good, the bad, the ugly. This is going to be my 'reflections' and they will come in all forms.
I'm so tired. That is the thought that runs through my mind most days lately. I know I could do better with eating and getting my exercise in, I know it couldn't possibly make it worse, but I lack even the motivation to do that simple start. I have tried to increase my water, hoping that it'll help my stomach and in turn the nursing baby's stomach so we can all move towards better sleep. I am kind of stuck in a 'comfortable' but definitely not enjoyable place and my brain is telling me it's time to take that leap and get back into LIFE and not just survival. I have yet to convince my body completely. Darn hormones. In reality, I am back to my pre-baby body (at least before the daily stretching out of the weak stomach muscles) and I have three healthy kids that are easy to take along anywhere but the grocery store. My hardships are mental, and boy do I know it, which just serves to incapacitate me further that I "can't" do things. Anxiety, temper, depression, all creep up on me lately and as much as I hate the way I feel over it I just haven't kicked myself in the behind hard enough to just GET OVER IT! Maybe writing it out, even if nobody does come around here for a while, will help me (at least until the nursing is over and I can go back to having chemical assistance for some of these issues).
School starts in two weeks for Number 1 and 2. It'll be a forced entry into a semi-regular schedule requiring a drive to town 2 days a week, and finding errands and other things to do while they attend, as it's a giant waste of time to come home between. Hazards of living out in the middle of nowhere. A friend of mine and I have already made some plans to walk together or shop, keeping ourselves busy and actively social at least those few hours a week. I think it'll help. I should probably just start now but like I said above, 'comfortable' is dragging me back those last few weeks. Also the weather. I hate the heat and this desert is HOT.
5 weeks now or so until we make the trip, me plus 3, home to Canada. I look so forward to this every year. A nice break from my new (has it really been 7 years?!) life and an adventure into my old one. Plus babysitters so I can feel human for a while. We have a wedding to attend and lots of friends to see, comfort food to eat, and an honest attempt at catching up on sleep while I can. I'll be glorious. As long as 3's passport comes in time, but that is stress for another day.
